I called home after hearing about the SCC diplomats who were slain in Vey today. They were en route to a meeting in Intaki with Intaki Syndicate representatives to create new trade deals. Of course it’s all very political, as it reflects on Eman Autrech’s presidential campaign. I hadn’t previously decided yet who I was going to vote for in the election, but was starting to warm up to Autrech due to his attention to the Intaki people. As usual the pirate scum living in Placid couldn’t pass up an opportunity to make their presence felt. How they learned of the mission is still unknown. Given the breach of information I imagine the talks will be called off completely, and I can’t see Autrech winning the election now.

These deaths are high-profile though, so the attack has drawn some attention to the low security rating of Intaki and the surrounding systems. It surprises me still that Placid has such troubles despite the Intaki being the largest ethnic minority within the Federation. Is it just that our people have become too absorbed into modern Gallente culture to care about what happens at home? But then, I suppose the vast majority of Intaki people born today never actually see our homeland… Maybe the media coverage will make the Federation pay more attention.

I felt compelled to talk to Mom. I rarely call home on voice, as she always refused to speak to me and most of the time she doesn’t come away from the window to the monitor, so it’s difficult to know if she’s even paying attention to what I say. I wish I knew why she treats me like this. I’d like to believe it’s not because she’s lost all regard for me somehow… At least when I write I can assume she reads the letters, perhaps in the evenings before bed, when it is too dark to see outside. But this time was different…

Aranza happened to be there when I called, and after some coaxing managed to convince Mom to come to the display so I could see her properly. She’s thinner than I remember, and still looks haggard like always, but no worse for wear than the last time I saw her. Aranza says her health is all right and does take good care of her as much as Mom allows, so at least I know my meager earnings as a cadet aren’t being wasted.

Mostly I just wanted to talk, to tell her how things are going for me. I suppose in the back of my mind the deaths of the SCC diplomats reminds me too much of what happened to us, and I think she felt the same way.

It wasn’t until I started talking about how I’m due to get my training capsule in a few months and how it’s a small milestone along the road to graduation that she spoke. She actually spoke! I saw her open her mouth as I rambled on about getting closer to being a capsuleer, and quite unexpectedly, she wheezed out, “No.”

I stopped, dead, in the middle of the sentence. I don’t even remember now what else I was going to say. It’s the first word she’s spoken since the attack, to anyone! I hardly recognized her voice it was so raspy from disuse. She started crying after that, and I think she wanted to say more…she looked like she was struggling. Aranza interrupted just then, trying to smooth over the fact she was crying and upset by giving her encouragement about having spoken.

I can’t stop thinking about this. I don’t understand why Mom would say no like that. She almost seemed to be pleading with me. No don’t talk to her? No don’t tell her about my training? No don’t become a capsuleer? Maybe she is afraid I will be killed too. But I’ve told her capsuleers are essentially immortal. I’m so confused.

A small voice in the back of my mind whispers whether it has anything to do with why Dad tried so hard to isolate us from everything that happens beyond the homeworld. I wish I knew more about why it was so important to him. Mom is the only one I can ask but beyond that one word, I doubt she would ever tell.