Pilot Log

Uncertainties

Six days on in the war. Despite the resolve I felt at the beginning, and several engagements where we managed to get a kill here or there, I’m feeling...discouraged. VKYR have proven adept at out-maneuvering us on most occasions, and baiting us into traps which, in hindsight, we should have seen coming.

Maybe I’m not cut out for this. I look back on the last half year and don’t see a lot to be proud of. This war is just the latest example. There’s really no reason for the situation to have spiralled out of control like it has. I’m disappointed in myself. I like to believe I’m a reasonable woman but this last week has tested my limits. I’ve lashed out a few times at people I shouldn’t have. I’m angry at me, I’m angry at them, I’m angry at the enemy. There’s so much going on. So much I worry about.

Late at night, when I should be sleeping but aren’t, I ask myself, did I do this? I have to protect my people and make the best decisions I can even if those decisions have uncomfortable consequences. But the more I try to get involved and do the right thing, the worse things seem to get.

I ended up speaking to James Syagrius about it. I’m not sure I meant to lean on him like that but it was good to talk to someone and it was nice that he listened.

I want to believe his offer of assistance will make a difference, but right now I feel like nothing will help us.

Name: Sakaane Eionell Bloodline: Intaki Age: 32 Licensed: YC110.Mar.09 Corporation: Intaki Liberation Front Alliance: Intaki Prosperity Initiative Rank: Isha (lit. "leader"; Director) Occupations: ILF Director of Combat Operations;
IPI Alliance President YC114.Aug.06 Respite YC114.Aug.04 Nascence YC114.Aug.03 Visual Omens - The Fourth YC114.Jul.28 Invalidation YC114.Jul.27 The Crack in the Fine China YC114.Jul.26 Uncertainties YC114.Jul.22 Negotiations: The Mess Goes On YC114.Jul.21 Minmatar Freedom Fighters declare war on Intaki Freedom Fighters...? YC114.Jul.19 Steps Forward YC114.Jul.17 Visual Omens - The Third