Six days on in the war. Despite the resolve I felt at the beginning, and several engagements where we managed to get a kill here
, Iím feeling...discouraged. VKYR have proven adept at out-maneuvering us on most occasions, and baiting us into traps which, in hindsight, we should have seen coming.
Maybe Iím not cut out for this. I look back on the last half year and donít see a lot to be proud of. This war is just the latest example. Thereís really no reason for the situation to have spiralled out of control like it has. Iím disappointed in myself. I like to believe Iím a reasonable woman but this last week has tested my limits. Iíve lashed out a few times at people I shouldnít have. Iím angry at me, Iím angry at them, Iím angry at the enemy. Thereís so much going on. So much I worry about.
Late at night, when I should be sleeping but arenít, I ask myself, did I do this? I have to protect my people and make the best decisions I can even if those decisions have uncomfortable consequences. But the more I try to get involved and do the right thing, the worse things seem to get.
I ended up speaking to James Syagrius
about it. Iím not sure I meant to lean on him like that but it was good to talk to someone and it was nice that he listened.
I want to believe his offer of assistance will make a difference, but right now I feel like nothing will help us.